i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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