see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
