If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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