there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
