so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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