i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
