She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
