I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
