I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
