I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
