There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
