A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
