Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
