I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
