You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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