And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had sex on a roof
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
