No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
