Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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