It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
