So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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