At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
