i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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