Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
