Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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