what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
