I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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