Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
