i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
