my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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