you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
