I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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