What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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