i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
