apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
