On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
