Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
