I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
