If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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