I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
