well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
