What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
