We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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