my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
