If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
