so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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