I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
