Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
