He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
