Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
