i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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