:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
