Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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