maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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