my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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