I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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