carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The adults are the big ones right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
